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Let It Matter (or, Listen to the Sound of Your Grieving Heart)
I’m not okay today.
Two weeks ago, a childhood friend of the family in her mid-40s suddenly passed away, after complications from what should have been a routine medical procedure with her diabetes that unexpectedly turned disastrous. She left behind a 15-year-old son, orphaned now after losing his father a decade prior.Saturday morning, an eerily similar medical story came to its conclusion for a 37-year-old author/influencer/theologian and mother of 2 small children named Rachel Held Evans. Rachel spoke the language of my heart the way few ever have, putting words to the hopes, doubts and desires deep in my own heart, as she did for so many throngs of others. Though I never met her personally, it feels as painful as losing a friend or mentor.
I lost my job at my church 4 months ago. It was a complicated situation, as such things tend to be, but subsequent to the transition, the character and level of passive-aggressive ghosting from those who were once so kind to me, treated me like and even called me “family,” has been one of the most painful rejections I’ve ever experienced. Saturday evening I did some music for a wedding hosted there, afterward interacting with a couple of my ex-fellow staff members. I was reminded once again in no uncertain terms, by someone I once counted a dear friend, how unwelcome I am…
